the helplessness of my profession.

>The last two months of my residency have opened my eyes to a new reality. Something which so far i have fought and denied. That medicine as we know it today, is still, even after our so called progRESS, IN MANY instances , is stiLL HELPLESS. THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH WE CAN DO FOR A PATIENT. WE EITHER JUST PROLONG THEIR SUFFERING OR MAKE THEM SPEND THEIR LAST FEW DAYS IN THE HOSPITAL WHEN THEY COULD HAVE BEEN AT HOME. WE GIVE THEM HOPE WHEN THERE IS NONE. WE MAKE THEM HOPE FOR A CURE, WHICH DOES NOT EXIST. WE GIVE THEM A LIFE, BUT AT WHAT COST. AT A FINANCIAL BURDEN, EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL TRAUMA WHICH NOT ONLY THEY BUT THEIR FAMILIES MUST BEAR. AND AT THE END OF ALL THIS WE STILL GLORIFY IN OUR ROLES AS DOCTORS, AS HEALERS, IN OUR PROFOUND KNOWLEDGE, IN OUR EXCLUSIVE COMMUNITY, WHICH NO ONE CAN ENTER. BUT REALLY DO WE LIVE UPTO IT. ARE WE HEALING? ARE WE CURING? OR WE ARE COMING IN THE WAY OF A NATURAL PROCESS, WHICH IF ALLOWED TO CARRY ON UNHINDERED MAY JUST CONTINUE AND TURN OUT FOR THE BEST. MAYBE WE ARE INTERFERING IN WAYS WHICH DONT ALWAYS LEAD TO THE BEST RESULT. MAYBE INTERVENTION IS NOT ALWAYS THE BEST ACTION. MAYBE WE NEED TO LEARN WHEN TO LET NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE. WHEN TO REALISE OUR INADEQUACIES AND LIMITATIONS, GRACEFULLY.

all things grey!

One thing i cant get over, is my fascination for all things grey. Not the colour literally, but the metaphoric meaning of it. In personalities of people especially. Whether its a movie or literary characters, i always enjoy them far more when they're not ALL good.

The reason this thought came to mind again is because I've been reading peter pan. And almost all the central characters have mixed shades in them. Except Wendy. She seems all nice. But that i feel reiterated what i have always believed in. No one, or almost no one ( the exceptions being few almost unreal people who are oh so nice and perrrfect) can be all good and nice, all the time. Everyone has some evil/ jealous/ wicked traits in them. Which emerge on certain occasions. Like we're all multi faceted, have multiple personalities, and they all rear their heads once in a while, but depending on which one is stronger, they may or may not manifest themselves.

I see myself struggling with mine ever so often. And i really have to fight on so many occasions, to keep the evil ones at bay. So i guess when i see so many similar examples around me in movies, books even, i feel reassures in a way. That i"m normal too. Or almost.